Posted by: Louise | April 27, 2017

Transitions during a big change #ChangeCanBePositive

Many of my friends are going through huge transitions at the moment. This is really difficult, challenging and emotionally charged.

One my friends is having to move house after staying in the same house after twenty years. 

I’ve realised that transitions can be easy or difficult depending your attitude and perspective towards the situation being faced.

If you look at the real positive of the situation and look for it and make lists to remind you of why this transition is good and positive. This may sound superficial but it isn’t, this forces your mind to focus differently on the topic at hand. 

Any transition is not easy for most people. It’s an adjustment from the known to the unknown. In the past, that was extremely difficult for me. I’m learning to be more flexible and to adjust to changes and transitions in my life.

How have you dealt with transitions in your life? Was it easy or difficult?

Louise and frog

Posted by: Louise | April 6, 2017

Transitions CAN be easier for #Autistic people

I am going through some big changes at the moment, that is why I haven’t written for a while.

I did a talk at a school on transitions for the kids as they are moving three campuses to one campus this year so that is a big change for the school children. I’ll elaborate more on it later and perhaps write some of what I presented in the talk here when I have energy again.

I have been sick with second degree burns from the sun and a tummy bug in the last month so my energy hasn’t been much. Now I’ve recovered a bit I’m able to write again.

I also recently spoke at a ladies breakfast. There were twenty ladies there approximately. The lady that I was co-hosting with organised everything really well and we stayed up preparing gift envelops for the ladies way into the early morning.

Here are some photo’s from the interior and exterior of the restaurant.

 

 

The tree outside on the lawn as the sun was rising

The benches looking out onto the garden area.

The benches showing more of the tree, beautiful place to sit and think or socialize.

How do you cope with unexpected changes?

How I dealt with all the changes was to stay calm and breathe. I also chose to stay in the moment and go with the flow of the day.

Louise and frog

Posted by: Louise | April 6, 2017

Transitions CAN be easier for #Autistic people

I am going through some big changes at the moment, that is why I haven’t written for a while.

I did a talk at a school on transitions for the kids as they are moving three campuses to one campus this year so that is a big change for the school children. I’ll elaborate more on it later and perhaps write some of what I presented in the talk here when I have energy again.

I have been sick with second degree burns from the sun and a tummy bug in the last month so my energy hasn’t been much. Now I’ve recovered a bit I’m able to write again.

I also recently spoke at a ladies breakfast. There were twenty ladies there approximately. The lady that I was co-hosting with organised everything really well and we stayed up preparing gift envelops for the ladies way into the early morning.

Here are some photo’s from the interior and exterior of the restaurant.

 

The venue where we had breakfast

 

The tree outside on the lawn as the sun was rising

The benches looking out onto the garden area.

The benches showing more of the tree, beautiful place to sit and think or socialize.

How do you cope with unexpected changes?

How I dealt with all the changes was to stay calm and breathe. I also chose to stay in the moment and go with the flow of the day.

Louise and frog

Posted by: Louise | January 24, 2017

Time periods and dealing with change

Happy New Year to everyone. Always nice to have new readers and have comments from those who do read.

Its very hard to know who is reading as right now not many of you comment on the posts. I realise though that even if someone is not commenting its OK and that reading what I write is even a big thing for me.

Its ironic that I started this post in December and I am only getting to it now as I suddenly had many changes and transitions to try and cope with in December and January this year. All of them unexpected and not so easy for me to handle as my skills with coping with this sort of thing are limited in my opinion.

This is an Egyptian goose. I mistook it for a duck. Why put a picture of a duck when writing about change? Well I was sitting with a friend feeding these geese while we were talking about change, change in a relationship that has ended in her life.

Relationship transition is especially challenging for autistic people just for the fact that relationships are hard to understand already. When a therapist ends sessions, when friends tell you they don’t want to be your friend anymore and when someone treats you really badly and you don’t feel you have the strength to end it because relationships and friendships are hard to come by.

A friend of mine commented to me recently that many “normal” people are taught to cope with change and transition by suppressing their feelings and “just getting on with it” and thereby not knowledgeing the REAL stress that they themselves feel. I guess being autistic forces the people around me to acknowledge the feelings that they have about things and stop pretending “everything is OK” when it really isn’t.

How real are you at facing your feelings about small and big changes in your own life?

Louise and Frog

Posted by: Louise | January 24, 2017

Transition times and stress

Welcome back to my blog! My absence from writing over the December time was because of some stressful transitions of my own I had to go through.

Many people find those easy to do (or pretend that change and transition is easy) but I don’t usually and it usually depends on the circumstances. A very stressful thing I had to deal with over December was my phone. Friends of mine very kindly sent over their phone from Canada as they had just immigrated. The first challenge was convincing myself to start using the new phone. I left it charging next to my bed for two months before I was ready to use it.

If you’re wondering why this was so hard, well in 2015 I also received an older smart phone and I only managed to use it for a month before it died. I needed a phone so I got a cheap one for R100 ($7.44) so that I could at least be in contact with those who needed to be in contact with me.

Suffice to say this phone was and is not “smart” so I was out of the loop with WhatsApp for a year. In September last year I plucked up the courage to see if I could get a mobile contract on another network, I went through all the hoops but then decided to wait for the phone from Canada. As you can see changing phones is stressful and emotional.

When the other phone went into a coma on the 23rd December I ended up not having a phone for about two weeks. I knew that when the phone got back from repairs and they said it died I HAD to get a new phone. That afternoon I went to the shop and then walked out with a new phone that is “smart” and works!

The other part of the story though is that I had ALSO decided to change networks, so before the phone from Canada died I had changed mobile networks. To make things less “painful” and the change more bearable I decided to change three things about my mobile at once.

  1. Networks
  2. The actual phone
  3. From prepaid to contract

This of course meant that the stress of all the change was close together and I not spread out. I didn’t count on the other phone dying though!

So that transition just to get a “smart” phone organised (because after all if you are looking for new work or even wanting to keep in touch with friends overseas you can’t NOT have a “smart” phone).

I always joked that I wasn’t “smart” until I could get a smart phone again!

The challenge today is: Do you take transitions easily? Are you able to adjust? Or are you hiding the fact that transitions can be emotionally taxing and stressful because you want to appear “normal”?

Louise and Frog (above)

Posted by: Louise | December 21, 2016

Dealing with stress over the holidays

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I am grateful for many things in my life. I have also not being grateful enough for many things in my life.

This time of year many people are reflecting on the year that has past and what they have managed to achieve and what they haven’t. I prefer to reflect every week as well as at the end of the year. The goals I am working towards don’t change because the date changes, they just get more firmly established so that I can really get them done.

Reflection that is honest and shows you your own weaknesses is also good so you know how to improve on yourself for the new week (or the new year). There are many things that I haven’t finished which I still need to. I am now setting goals to work towards those things.

It is stressful when you put pressure on yourself to achieve more than you can manage at one time.

What goals are you CONTINUING to work towards? What ways in the past have you stopped a goal because you got demotivated?

Louise and frog

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted by: Louise | November 28, 2016

Myth 7 about Autistic people: You are just delayed

These comments in this posting series are what people have really said when someone tells them that they are Autistic. This is very disappointing as

You are just delayed.

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Saying that someone is delayed begs another question: How are you delayed? Delayed in what kind of development? Are you talking about development when you say “delayed”?

My opinion on telling someone that they are “delayed” when diagnosed with been on the Autism spectrum is to ask a lot of new questions. This will cause the person to think about the questions that I am asking and how they are framing their views.

I put this picture up because it gives a sense of peace and it makes me think how the waves get “delayed” sometimes by the wind or the currents but end up on the shore anyway.

What would you answer to the questions above if someone made that statement to you about being “delayed”?

Louise and frog

Posted by: Louise | November 14, 2016

Myth 6 about Autistic people: You just want attention

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“You just want attention”.

This one I think speaks to the fact that the other person has not received “attention” themselves or that they think “attention” is wrong.

I think its a human thing to want attention but cannot be something that you use an excuse when someone is diagnosed with something that maybe you don’t understand very well.

Many people need attention but a diagnosis for something doesn’t automatically translate to needing attention as a person. Attention is a basic human right in my opinion as we don’t grow as human if we don’t get healthy physical touch and someone engaged in our world from a young age. This is also detrimental to our growth if we don’t get that attention from our parents and later friends and colleagues in some way.

Attention from people is not necessarily a bad thing and by saying this about something for someone it makes it negative.

Another myth about Autistic people busted.

Louise and frog

 

Posted by: Louise | November 11, 2016

My blog posts: an update

Dear Readers

My blog posts have been irregular over the last months because of having so many commitments to finalise and finish working on and through.

I recently read a post from another blogger and I know that I need to schedule writing at least one post a week so as to keep the blog more regular for myself and for those who read what I am writing.

It has been a struggle with many things happening simutaneously in my life this year so I am hoping to attain my goal of  writing something meaningful to do with either Autistic people, my faith or my recipes in the following months and going into the new year.

Here’s to been able to write more often and consistently on this wonderful platform.

Louise and frog.

Posted by: Louise | November 11, 2016

Remembering school days: mixed feelings

This last weekend I went to my first school reunion after not seeing many of the other students from my year for at least twenty years. (It was after all the twenty year school reunion).

I realised many things that night. All is not what it seems, things change and so do people and some things don’t change.

Let me describe each one to you.

All is not what it seems because many people are able now to be real with you where they are at and what you see is what you get. Autistic people generally are honest about things and where they are at no matter the social norms of “pretending” that all is well.

I can actually say with no guilt that my life is much better right now although very busy for sure. There are of course still goals that I want to achieve but because I am in a better space I am now more able to move towards those goals

Taken from: Autistic Adjustment in the NT world and from someone’s blog

The second point is that: Things change.

We are no longer the gawky teenagers trying to figure out life, love and our family or emotional struggles. Now here we are twenty years later with some maturity and life experience realizing that what were maybe aspiring to be and who we were trying to impress are that important any more.

I have gained weight and I am trying to loose it now for my own health and well being and not to impress anyone. I have lost it before but now its time to keep it lost!

The other is that people change.

Sometimes with age we realise that actually change does happen. New knowledge is learnt and applied in life and relationships, new skills are learnt that were missed out on, new ways of doing things are found and self-discovery is made.

This time around it was easier to speak to most of the people I went to school with as my confidence has greatly increased in the last few years.

On the opposite side of that thought is that: Some things don’t change.

I still felt a bit socially awkward and uncomfortable.

This is for a few reasons:

Seeing the same people again that I went to school with reminded me of some of the hurt and pain I went through in those years. Also the disillusionment I felt and the painful not belonging that I felt in those years.

Knowing that maybe what I currently do means that my salary is not the same as many of the people in my class who have gone to be successful career and corporate women. I know though that things will change for me in the next few years in that regard but it still gives me a pang of regret that I am not yet living up to my potential.

My weight is not as it should be and that bothers me. My goal in the next while is to loose weight in a healthy, sustainable way.

There was someone that I wanted to speak to during the reunion but I didn’t manage to as I wanted to resolve something that happened back then, I suppose that at the next one I may get the chance to do that.

Generally school reunions can be bittersweet depending on your own school experience when it happened. As an un-diagnosed Autistic person with sensory sensitivity when the teachers are not trained to identify those things was a hard thing for me.

Socially many times I felt that I didn’t fit in and I was awkward in many ways.

There were positive points in going to the reunion was that hopefully we have grown out of the childish comparisons. Many of my

I learnt that to be yourself is your biggest advantage in life and at a school reunion!

Louise and frog

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